“
According to my profile I use drugs. According to your profile that’s a no no.
According to my profile I’m 28.
According to your profile that’s too young.
But perhaps if I use enough drugs I’ll age at an accelerated rate thereby offsetting the age difference. Then I’ll promptly discontinue my drug use and we’ll be perfect for each other.
With as much sincerity as I can muster,
[male user y]
—
via (my) Onion Personals.
Couldn’t he at least not be on drugs when he writes the e-mails?
